So, imagine for a minute that you’ve just had a stressful week. Assignment after assignment, sleepless night after sleepless night. You tell yourself that you need a night out. You message the group chat and you all decide that you’re going to go feteing and enjoy yourselves. As you’re dressing, getting ready for that pre-game warm up to the party…it happens.
The first friend flakes. Then as you’re putting on your shoes. Again, two more people back out of the plans. By the time you finally reach the spot, what was to be an epic night out with the crew, ends up being just you and Fred. Not that anything’s wrong with Fred, don’t get me wrong, but he’s just more of a group friend than a blood brother.
Slightly annoyed, you make your way inside, go to the bar, hear that a Sprite is $6 and Fred forgot his wallet at home. The climax of this night of wrong turns and disappointments? The DJ plays that song. The song no one even likes. Someone tweeted it once as a joke, it somehow went viral and now you can’t stop hearing it.
This list is made up of what to me are the top 5 most annoying songs. Not just the songs that DJs kill, like “Work” by Rihanna, or songs that were intentionally made to be annoying, such as “What Does The Fox Say” by Ylvis. Keep in mind, it’s my list, so if you see one of your favourite songs…cha. There’s also a one song per artist rule, or I’d probably get a lot of angry emails from people calling me a hater. So, let’s get it started.
Honourable Mention:
“Christmas Shoes” – New Song
There’s one thing I hate to remember when I’m Christmas shopping, and it’s that Smokey Burke’s child can’t afford to buy shoes for his mother. Please ban this song, “Hard Candy Christmas” is enough depression for the Christmas season.
#5. Bajans putting on a Jamaican or American accent.
Too many to quote just one.
I personally believe that the Bajan accent is the best thing about our island. Our dialect has such a humorous charm and our “sayings” are so poetic. I simply don’t see why some of our artists feel the need to copy an accent. In the instances of reggae or dancehall, because the genres originated in Jamaica doesn’t mean that we can’t add our own Bajan flair.
There are tons of Barbadian reggae hits in which the artist is speaking comfortably. If you don’t want to include the “dens” and the “wa loss” etc., Standard English is just fine. I shouldn’t even have to list anything for dancehall. There are too many proud and unapologetic Bajan dancehall artists out there. From Stiffy to Lady Essence. Crimeson even boasts about it in one of his hit songs, accurately named “Bajan Pride.”
There’s a Barbadian Rap movement which also suffers from a similar plight, with a lot of our artists imitating an American accent. Or should I say certain rappers? It’s ridiculous to think about an “American” accent when the country is so big there’s no one “accent” to speak of. For example, Jay-Z sounds completely different from TI. So this generic “American” accent some of our rappers are using just isn’t cutting it. When you can have Azman “flinging” on a hip-hop beat, providing a more relatable and enjoyable experience, you have to know that you need to step up a bit.
#4. “Champion” – DJ Bravo (2016).
“Beenie a champion. Bounty a champion. Machel is a champion. Bunji is a champion.”
I’m still not sure this song is even real. Someone sent me this on WhatsApp and I thought: “Lol, that’s funny” expecting it to end there. I mean, a cricketer sang it, it can’t go much further. The West Indies then decided to win cricket. I figured “Hey “Champion” is going to play on the radio for a couple of days. What a cool little novelty.” Nope! It’s still happening. Been a while now. No end in sight. It’s playing in parties. Help!
Seriously though, we must all give praise that “champion” rhymes with “champion.” Because it’s said no less than 80 times throughout the song. That’s not an exaggeration either. I’m all for winning, but all this song is all this song is all this song is doing is repeating itself.
“Don’t vex if your name not call.
We have to leave time to bat some ball.
We love soca and dancehall.
We love cricket and football.”
After the roll call of champions, the song doesn’t exactly progress. It just seems as though this was written during a bathroom break. I’m honestly trying not to chastise the lyrical content because it’s a song written by a cricketer, but still. Fun dance I guess.
#3. “Where Ya At” – Future Ft. Drake (2015).
“Where your *** was at, dawg you went and switched sides.”
Before I start, I thought I should point out that every line from 0.13 seconds to 1.00 starts with the same words. Now onto the obvious.
Big man, what are you saying? How does your audio engineer know when you do a good take? The most annoying part of it is that I want to know what Future’s saying. Clearly, there’s something he’s saying that’s making him such a viral sensation. Funny thing, after Googling his lyrics, they’re pretty decent. None that I feel comfortable posting here, but if you click here you’ll find them. I don’t believe it’s reasonable for me to be sitting, grimacing, trying to decipher what he’s rapping about.
#2. “Palance” – JW & Blaze (2010).
“Palance! Mashing up de place Palance! Jump up and mash up de place.”
Writing this feels like I’m writing a eulogy for a close friend. This song used to be a favourite. Being on stage playing this and seeing a crowd do this dance in unison was simply a majestic sight to behold. The word itself stems from party, lime, and dance. Just three things I live for. So what’s the problem you may ask?
This song has been brutally murdered. Yet we won’t let it die. What used to be a precious moment in the party, has just became monotonous and somewhat boring. I personally blame DJs. Myself included. For the last year or so this song has been played exactly the same way. DJ introduces the song, pulls it up, instructs confused patrons still doing it wrong after 7 years which direction to go first (left, just always go left), then plays it again. Think back to the last time you heard this song and tell me that I’m wrong. I dare you.
#1. “All I Do Is Win” – DJ Khaled and Friends (2010).
“And every time I step up in the building everybody hands go up.”
In 2014 I made an observation: Every party I went to, I heard this song at least once. It’s 2017 and we are still whipping this dead horse. The song isn’t even bad by any means, but there is no good reason why 99 out of 100 parties must have this song played.
To move from one BPM (beats per minute) to another some DJs use what’s known as a transition track to make the segue smoother. But it seems like some Barbadian DJs only know this one transition. You know exactly how it goes: when T-Pain says “everybody hands go up”, use that bit of silence to squeeze in another song. This is just laziness, and as some would say “begging for forward.” It’s gotten to the point that not only DJs are aware. I have friends who have not the foggiest idea about DJing, that can predict exactly what’s going to happen. It’s shameful that it ever had to come to this stage, yet I’m sure if I go out this weekend, this road kill will be resuscitated once more.
Have any suggestions for a theme? Want to dispute or add to my list? Want a transition track besides All I Do Is Win?” Email me at kofi.jones7@gmail.com with SlashSoundz Top 5 in the subject line.
